I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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