I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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