1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I deserve this hangover.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
