never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
