Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
