how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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