I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
