Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
