did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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