I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
