thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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