So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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