Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
