I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
