We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
