You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
