omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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