Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
