Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
