evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone shattered a urinal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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