The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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