recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
