Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize