Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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