I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
