it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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