U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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