im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
