: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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