She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
