It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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