There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
