The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
