I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
