you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
