I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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