I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
