i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
