Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is wine microwaveable?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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