yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
where are my eyebrows?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
