we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
