I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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