Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
