How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
