Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
