Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
