Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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