like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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