Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
