Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
