Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
