I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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