Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
