Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
