I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
