I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
