so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
