how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
