Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
